since pple have complained that my posts are too chim, i shall simplify the last one (i try ah)

all that is solid melts into air - imagine everything that you see and touch now. solids. what if one day you realise none of these exist. that all along you've been living someone else's life. that nothing is real (sounds like the matrix huh. i tot so too). but anyway, that is supposedly the result of modernity. but i was just thinking. whether the world is real or not to me, whether it is solid or gas, everything is still created by God. so many sociologists i know, have come to reject God and reject the whole idea of one god. everyone is right. we should not force our ideas upon others. everyone is just trying to sit on the fence. but i need to make a stand for myself. i don't wanna say everyone is right. although i respect your opinion, and i dont try to force you to agree with me, i still must say that there is an absolute truth out there. because God says so. and i believe in God. if i say nothing is truth, then i'm saying there is no God. no God = no me = no belief. i dont wanna live like this. i need to have a set of my own principles.

until now, after almost 3 years of sociology, i'm still trying to modify and realign my principles. help. i need help.

i'm tired of making pple feel special. i'm tired of loving others. i used to do it naturally. i used to believe everyone deserves to be loved and to feel special. but i've come to realize that pple take that for granted and step all over me. i want to be loved too. i want to feel special too (no this is not a trick to get pple to do things for me). its been so long since i laughed my heart out. the last time i did, it felt weird, felt... alien. the feeling of happiness is so far away. i feel sad and tired alot more often now. thats why i dun have the drive to call pple up to talk randomly, or to write postcards. i still try to show concern thru sms. but thats not often either. most of the time, pple dun even bother to reply, and no one smses me to ask how i am. how to feel special? everyone has so many pple to love. its impossible to love me in a special way. my parents have 3 kids. loving me with special love would be bias. my friends have so many friends. they wont have the energy to love me more than the rest. that would be unfair for me to ask also. God has billions and gazillions of pple to love. how to love me with a special love?

or can He? i mean, His love is unlimited isnt' it?