hello again

hmm its been a long time since i last updated my blog.. haha i guess alot of u haf been checking now n then n got a bit fed up when u realise i haf not updated huh=p sorry n thnx for checking..

exams in less than a mth's time... scary when u think abt it.. how u haf less than a week for each sub now.. n tt my death penalty will be coming soon.. o well... wat will happen to me if i dun do well huh? sigh...

tmr is ac open house.. will haf to go earli cos i wanna go church for meeting=] so fun!! get to see my juniors n all.. hehe actuali im realli grateful for the pple ard me.. actualli i think im still pretty much a loner.. not many good frens n all, cos im not a good fren.. but pple ard me r still very nice to me.. juniors who still rem me after so long n hope to see me.. sisters n brothers in church who ask how i am now n then n keep me updated abt their lives.. not tt i love to kaypoh abt their lives, but when pple volunteer to tell u abt wats going on in their lives, its very touching i feel.. at least they bother to tell n they trust u enuff to tell u.. frens in sch who are always so positive n help me to look on the bright side of life.. hehe thanks pple.. thanks to all u who have kept me going.. too mani to mention tho=p

so much has happened to me these few weeks.. i guess most will think im always happy go lucky.. or impermeable to being upset.. jus like when i shared abt my struggles to my bible study grp they were kinda shocked.. haha ya im jus like everyone else.. i haf my struggles too!! hmm dunno why but recentli my heart n head haf been at war.. its reali tiring when u haf to keep self discipline as defence all the time.. making sure u dun make any mistake to cause urself or others pain.. sigh all these struggles are good for me i noe.. helps me to sharpen discipline.. but its very tiring.. kinda demoralising too.. filoi, now u noe why i said wat i said this afternoon huh.. yup its very tough to "win" myself... argh so must constantli pray for strength n all..

but im thankful to God also.. tho im such a sinner.. done so mani things to hurt Him again n again.. but He still is so kind to me.. let me have such a wonderful bunch of frens.. let me live in such a caring family... let me be part of a church with such "weird" but very wonderful pple.. thank You, Father.. i love u...