Sometimes I just cant help but think I am really useless. I have no way to control my emotions. I get sad so easily. I get discouraged easily. I can be joyful at times, but most of the time I am just sad.

I love fantasy. I love love stories. I love to be happy. I love to feel loved. But its hard to swallow the fact that this is not reality. When you watch a show and get that fuzzy feeling, it is hard when the show ends and all that is left is emptiness, as if the hope simply disappeared into thin air. Whatever happened to the protagonist will never happen to me, although for that one hour I can almost taste the hope that it will. Look around and you will see that shows do not reflect reality.

It is time to choose the kind of woman I want to be: cute, lovable, and pampered? Or strong, long-suffering and firm?

It has come to a point when I find it hard to hold on to the hope I once had. Expected.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the Will of God, you will receive what He has promised. – Hebrews 10:35-36.

I do not know if I am suffering for the His sake. But I do know that I am definitely struggling to hold on to His promises.