im gonna rant so pls dun read if u dun wanna see.. nothing interesting la

let me rant

i've finalli found one more reason why i dun like ball games or any games for tt case.. i hate competition. call me anti, call me party pooper, call me idealistic call me wateva.. i dun care. i jus hate competition. why cant competitions jus be about fun n friendships? why do pple wanna be so competitive abt everything? a simple game tt starts off as for fun can end up being competitive. in every competition there is exclusion, there is "im better than u", there is " i dun wana be on ur team cos ur lousy".. n i hate tt.. i love games tt r jus for fun, i dun care whether ur good or bad I JUST WANNA PLAY WITH U!!! I LOVE THOSE GAMES! i dun care who is better than who.. i jus hope everyone gets to noe each other better after it, which seldom happens. those who disagree. I DUN CARE WAT U TINK! so ya. get outta my face

i feel tired.. once again. i prayed n asked God to pls harden my heart n take away all abilities to feel. i dun wanna be human anw. a tree an ant.. let it be. emotionless is the way to go. im still finding out who i am. used to tink im relational, doubt i am. i love to noe more abt pple but i've become more closed up recentli. i haf to accept e fact tt i will never haf a best fren. so stop hoping. in a world where God's children r constantly under persecution, its hard to keep ur frens on earth. i rather they be in heaven where we can meet later. (wanna go heaven NOW). will i ever stop this self blaming? will i ever come to terms with my past? will i ever stop blaming myself for being imperfect? i doubt so.

for u who has come to this sentence.. ur dumb n haf too much time on ur hands.. pls go do smth more constructive. thank you.