i realize that i have changed alot over the years. used to be afraid of changes, now, i welcome challenges. God has really used people around me to change me.

some people arent too happy about a young person like me leading worship. some may just be worried for me, some may be uncomfortable with seeing someone so young leading a big event. but either way, i'd say: God has His hand in this. sometimes he uses the extremely old, to show the young real strength. sometimes He uses the young to show the old what innocent faith is.

anyway, something amazing happened on sunday during the worship. there was this song "when i survey the wondrous cross" that i chose to be sung during holy communion. its a song that i use everytime i lead combined worship, so i did not bother to practice it during worship. however, immediately after the offering song, when the pastors came up to do the holy communion, i looked at the lyrics of the song and realized that i totally could not remember how the song sounds like!!! i just freaked out!

i remembered the last time my mind went blank during worship for a song and at that time, i really did not sing the song even when the music started. thank God i had backup singers who sang the first few words in my place. but this time round, i was alone on stage. no one around me, so i could not ask anyone to sing. you know how scary that is>
so the scripture ended. the session took the cups and left the stage. the piano started playing. and guess what, i still could not remember how to sing!!!!!!!!! time for the first word. still no music came forth. then at the second word, the tune suddenly came to me and i started singing. as if this was not amazing enough, the microphone was screwed up, so it was not on for the first verse! so no one noticed that i did not sing the first word! they just heard this wonderful solo without the microphone! hahah instead of embarrassing myself, i amazed them! i cant tell you how grateful i am to God. He is amazing. and He really answers prayers at his own timing. hahaha

something else happened before that during practice. for those who were there, lets just say, i was extremely upset. its one of those times when i had to desperately fight back tears. at that time, i really wanted to run out and hide somewhere to cry. when kelvin asked me to leave the stage, the temptation was too great. but i chose to stay on stage and start the rehearsal. i didnt know why i did that, but now i know why. God wanted to teach me to depend on him. crying doesnt solve anything. depending on God is the best solution. so anyway, i am really glad she did what she did, because without her, i would not have learnt true patience and love. learning to say thank you to God in a time like that used to be tough, but it came naturally on friday, because i know that God never stopped training me and moulding me. serving has really helped to shape me.

i don't know what my final destination is. perhaps i may not be leading worship a few years down the road. maybe i'll be leaving youth ministry in a year. but whatever the long term plan that God has in mind, i will serve faithfully. not just because of what God has promised ahead of me, but also because of what He has already done. He is worth more than i can give.