been asking myself alot of questions recently.

i know i am not the best worship leader around. i don't know how to use the microphone properly. i don't know how to choose songs properly. i don't plan my songs (i choose songs based on lyrics, not keys). i have no idea what each instrument is capable of so i can't plan for rehearsal well either. i have poor time control and we often end worship pract late. my singing is bad. my rhythm is bad. i can't seem to communicate my ideas to the team.

neither am i a good small group leader. i find it hard to draw a line between nagging and concern. i don't know how to show concern when someone is depressed. i don't know how to point people to Christ.

oh well, these are just my random thoughts as i lie on my bed at night. sometimes i really feel horrible and useless. i mean, can't i be better? God deserves to use someone better mah. its like, the master artist is at work and i am the pencil. but instead of being a staedtler pencil, i am some unknown brand that is made in China. perhaps after using a while i end up breaking (basically just the useless kind that we get as kids for Children's day).. hahaha

so today, before worship, i prayed and told God: i know i am not the best choice you can have, but i pray that you will use whatever i have and use it for Your glory. and guess what? He did! today timo came up to me and thanked me for leading worship today, because he was encouraged. i seldom get sincere "thank you"s, so i was really encouraged too! and the song that touched him was not the songs i chose, but the song that elder yeoh chose! haha so to cut the main point, God used whatever was prepared and touched His people.

i guess its the useless that God wants to use, although He definitely deserves to use something better. because it is in the weak that His power and glory is revealed.