school is starting next week. not excited about it, but i am still thankful that the holidays are finally over.

i do not like this flavour of icecream. but somehow, i still wanted to hold on to the cone just because i like the feeling of having a cold ice cream cone in between my hands and it makes me look good among my friends too, since most of us have an ice cream cone each. but if i keep holding on to this flavour, i may just miss the next flavour that comes my way, which may be suited to my taste. so, i shall let go of this cone, so that my other friends can try it and see if they like it, while i continue to wait for my cone.

God can use anyone. this statement may be an encouragement to me sometimes, but right now, this sounds sad. somehow i feel so useless. since God can use anyone, why would he use me? why continue to stay on in this ministry when there are people out there who are more likely to be used by God?

recently, i am not sure if am hearing God correctly. what i thought was God's voice turned out to be my own. i guess i was right to always shut that voice in me up. never listen to that voice. or should i? hui zhi said something to me on sunday: you know ah, grace. when your bosses keep changing and revising their policies, it is very demoralizing for those who follow you know. once you get the hang of something, they change it. i finally understand how she feels. for a moment i thought something will stay unchanged, just for a moment... within 1 hour, it changes so drastically, i have no idea how to respond. one thing i am sure of: God is training my patience and teaching me to be slow in reacting. never jump up, always take a moment to breathe and calm down before reacting.

God is always working in our lives. it is just up to us whether we want to see it or not. in everything, good or bad, there is always something to learn and something to thank God for. to all you out there: no matter how tired you may be, or how disappointed you may feel, take a step back and see things from God's perspective. perhaps you may see God's love and promise in the process of being fulfilled. this is something i learnt from jeremiah.

if you read lamentations, you see that jeremiah was extremely sad. God had abandoned Israel and thrown Israel to her enemies. even when jeremiah cried out to the Lord, God did not want to hear him. but he said something that really made me cry and ask God for forgiveness. amidst all his sufferings, jeremiah (in chapter 3) still praised the Lord and proclaimed that the Lord's love is steadfast and the Lord is faithful.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

will i be able to do this? will i still praise the Lord when i am tired and disappointed? will i still thank God when i am sick and dying? will i remember God and thank Him when i am successful and prosperous?