was talking about the mas selamat thing ytd. he proves that the singapore prisons arent as secure as we thought. which is why the govt is so dumbfounded as to how it happened, but are so eager to bring him back and restore their reputation. there are so many rumours out there about how he has black magic skills or that someone let him out.

then it got me thinking. i wonder if this is how the romans felt when they lost Jesus' body. hahahaha. i mean, he's dead, so there is no one to chase back. and they hated to have their reputation destroyed. hmm. so what happened? say he had black magic and left on his own? say that his disciples let him out?

the only difference is that Jesus couldnt have walked out and performed memory loss on the soldiers if he was dead.

just a thought.

true joy and faithfulness

become more protective of myself over the years. thought it was my past that haunts me. but it is perhaps more than that. was going to surrender. say i don't want to get hurt anymore. the more i try the more hurt i get. so why try.

but i realize why. i realize what faithfulness is. i can say i've tried. but if i give up, i haven't tried. what did i get myself into?

joy is looking at the past and thanking God. looking at the present and depending on God. looking at the future, with all its uncertainty, knowing that there are many "impossibles", and yet smiling and leaving it all to God.

Lord, you know my heart's desire. give me what you deem best. if it benefits me, give it to me. if it harms me, hold it from me, even if i want it very much. be patient with me as i learn to trust you, whether or not i get what i want.

ultimate stupidity

i realize i can be pretty stubborn when i want to. talk about once bitten, forever live in fear. i live in fear, but i still don't mind living in it for the little lessons i get out of the bitting. strange. sometimes i wonder why i go thru all that for the little lessons. is it worth it?

i think i'll get indigestion from everything that i have on my plate. haha. maybe i already have indigestions. how do i know? i have been arguing with my parents over every little thing recently. a big neon sign that something is wrong with me.

why am i as busy as a working adult, altho i am a student?