sometimes when u look at others and find that you cant stand them, do you find yourself looking at yourself and asking if you're like that too? i do. its embarassing and frustrating, to realize that im just as sinful. and by judging others, i become more sinful.

why is it that we can be so self centered? why do we only think if we enjoy ourselves? why not try to do everything so that someone else can enjoy themselves? someone once said that i give too much and i should try to take more for myself. can i do it? i admit that it gets tiring to give, but i want to.

by giving, am i taking as well?

Single by Natasha bedingfield

Ah yeah that's right, All you single people out there
This is for you, Yeah

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me (Cause I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me (No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby (Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good (I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cause I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cause you say I should (Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

Everything in it's right time everything in its right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way, it's my way
Eh I like it this way

seldom do we hear songs like that huh? most are about breaking up and being attached. o well. refreshing. and sounds like something up my alley ;)

Do I make You proud by Taylor Hicks

I've never been the one to raise my hand
That was not me, and now that's who I am
Because of you, I am standing tall
My heart is full of endless gratitude
You were the one, the one to guide me through
Now I can see and I believe
It's only just beginning

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved
To be loved

[CHORUS:]
This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you, do I make you proud?
There ain't no question, just do I make you proud?
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud?
Do I make you proud?

Lord, do i make you proud?

The guilt just never ends. One day you want to watch the world self destruct. And then you decide it is time to do something. This then makes you realize you’re a mere human. Wonderful isn't it? When you realize you are nothing but a human. Something that cannot even be seen from the plane.

I don’t know what I’ll say to God when I go to meet him. Oh I’m sorry, I thought everyone was fine. I thought that they already knew you. I thought that their lives were alright. I think he's going to send me straight to hell for this. How can I be where I am and not fulfill what I’m supposed to do? Am I supposed to save the world? Or am I to be like Daniel and friends? And then get sent into the furnace? I want to go back into my shell and think that everything is alright. Hiding may not solve the problem but at least I do not need to look at the problem and it becomes less of a problem.

But that's not who I want to be. If I do stay a tortoise, I will not be the faithful servant I want to be.

let me begin by describing my most memorable fall:

this happened on saturday. we were at Pulau Ubin. started off as a wonderful day. i was actually getting high about the boat ride. then during the game. my wonderful JY decided to tell me to take the chance. go ahead, glide, no need to walk down the slide. ok. so there i went. down the slope. couldnt turn in time.

gracey wasey sat on a bike. gracey wasey decided to glide. gracey wasey couldnt turn down the slope. so over the handle bars and face on the ground.

haha so ya. landed face down into the ground. my new specs got scratched. my face has so many scratches. my legs hands and knees got scratched. but thank God! not much bleeding. no broken nose (which is amazing cos my entire nose got scratched). after i got up. i just couldnt stop laughing. really must thank God. cant imagine what would have happened if i did not brake in time and crashed into the tree.

but this trip to Pulau Ubin was great. fruitful (according to JY). brought back 2 durians which we picked up while cycling. had 2 casualties. n of cos. i realized that i have so many lovable people around. with JY n ZX taking turns to keep an eye on me cos i take realy long to start cycling. with Jerm n Ruth taking fighting to give me tissue when i fell. yups. was indeed fun. thanks yall. will remember this day (and the fall) for life!

its time to find my direction. in the meantime, i shall remain faithful in all i do.

watching the world go by and remaining uninvolved is not so fun after all. do i want to get involved? do i need to? can i just step back and enjoy the show unfold?

time to go up to the upper levels and look down. the view is better. dreams are not everything. i guess i should sleep less and dream less. perhaps everything will be clearer then.

i wonder what i signed up for when i said yes. pass me the panadol. i'll need it soon enough. o and the cool pack too.. i'll need that next.

so happy today! spent the whole of yesterday doing things that i enjoy.. like doing quiet time in the morning.. then going stationery shopping at popular! bought a new notebook for my new year.. some new markers and pens.. haha then just took things slow the whole day.. watched some tv (after so long!!) then came online to talk to frens. feel so much better.. i guess we all need a break now and then. :)

no point thinking about things that you cant control. leaving everything in the hands of someone who can.. that's the key to true joy.

Revelling in misery is something that I thought I have gotten over last year; did not realize that I have just put myself back into depression. hearing it last year was bad enough, hearing it again this year is a slap in the face. Thank you for your honesty.

Just finished my quiet time: we do not need a lot of faith. What matters is the right kind of faith; being ready and willing to do the Will of God. I need joy. Joy in all my circumstances, knowing that all I need is Christ.

sometimes, God places people around you to help point you back onto the right path. i am glad that God used the people around me. thank you people.

rojak emotions. go figure

have you ever been lonely in a crowded room?

when i committed my fears to God i forgot one. the phobia of losing frens. whenever the signs start to show (or at least i think they're signs), i retreat. i'd rather lose a fren than to go thru the pain of trying to salvage the relationship.

wats wrong with me?

in all my services, teach me worship. teach me humility. teach me submission. teach me love. teach me discipline. teach me joy. teach me to be hardworking. teach me to be disciplined. teach me to depend on You. show me ur glory. show me Your work. let me always treasure the Salvation that You gave so freely.

had a wonderful time of worship during the New Heart training today. it was demo time and after 8 demonstrations, we were all very tired of singing.. then this guy with tatoos n shaggy hair went up.. n me being me started to wonder if this guy just escaped from the rehab center.. sorry.. but ya he looked and sounded scary. but thru his leading i have learnt alot. when one is truly in love with God, one does not need to say anything. the love is contagious, the love flows out and the love brings tears to everyone's eyes.

thank you Lord for showing me wat worship is about. Im coming back to the heart of worship, im sorry Lord for the thing i've made it. its all about You. its all about You, Jesus.

im like an onion. i've many layers. after you peel off one layer, you will find another layer and you wonder which layer is the real me? well.. i also dunno. but i think every layer is me. the entire onion is one onion mah.. its not just the bulb or not just the leaves, but the entire thing. so ya.. don't bother wondering which is me cos i also dunno. i have many sides that i have towards different people. not that im a hypocrite.. its just that most people cant handle the entire me. i have the bubbly side, the quiet side, the stoning side, the depressing side, the dependent side, the independent side, the struggling side, the persistent side, the on-the-verge-of-giving-up side. i also lost count. i cant afford to show those i am not close to, the depressing side can i? than everyone will get scared off. i have a feeling its time to hide the depressing side to everyone, close or not.

school's going to start in around a month's time and i am already starting to dread it. GAPS, MPE etc are driving me mad! i barely have one month more of rest and they are already bugging me to plan for my modules. sigh. i have no idea what i want to take.

hey God.. its time to invest in neon lights.

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GUEST POST

Hello grace! Hahaha. Since I've the privilege to do your blog I guess I've the privilege to POST something too! Hahaha.

Blah. Actually I've nth to write la. I hope you like this skin yea. I was so lazy to do at first and kinda ran out of ideas but.. last night before I slept I came up with this idea so.. yeap. here u go! :)

I hope u like it. And I've made an effort to add in colours okay. Please dont complain it's plain again. I'm so tired already.. yawns.

oh btw. if the frames are not aligned properly it's cos I cant see the entire thing. Doesnt fit on my browser. Yup. So u can just figure out urself and align it! But if it seems okay, good!

alrighty. tell me if you like it. see u for dinner tonight!


ur darling cousin =)