just some thoughts after an intense tutorial on family

sure. we all have our ideals, but we never put them as priority. why? because marriage is glorified. and singlehood is condemned. we all think marriage is the main purpose of our lives on earth. so in the end, it does not matter who our spouse is, as long as he/ she has some basic good points.

when christ came to earth, he was not married. if being human = marry and have kids, then christ was not fully human. neither is paul, neither is peter, who kind of left his wife alone and did not have kids (if i am not wrong). christ has proven that the main purpose of our lives on earth, and the main source of fulfilment is in serving God and pleasing Him. so why do we not seek this? the devil is sooo smart. he distracts us by placing other goals in our lives. good grades, good degree, social acceptance, perfect mate, perfect marriage, intelligence, perfect looks, man's praises etc. and we have all fallen head over heels into this trap (the weirdness in this statement is intended by the way).

the devil must be laughing his head off right now as he looks at us humans getting distracted from the ultimate goal that we were created for. that #$%^&*!@. do we have a choice? yes we do. so what is our decision?

i have a feeling this is going to be a long post. longer than usual at least.

what do you do when you think God made the wrong choice for you. on one hand you know God will never make mistakes. on the other, you just have this stinking feeling something is wrong. i just hope this turns out well.

funny how your relationship with God can affect every other areas in your life. i had this barrier obstructing me from coming to God. suddenly i started to hate everyone around me. full of bitterness. full of hate. could do nothing right. everything just seemed to overwhelm me. the future was hopeless and bleak.

i can see clearly now, the rain is gone. the rainbow, the sun. the smell of the flowers and the soil. breathe in deep cos you will need the oxygen to run the marathon now. hope is so so precious.

the joy of the Lord is my strength.

i hate long nails. dont know how some girls do it. the mini skirts, low cut tops, hip hugging bottoms, long nails, long hair that tickles the face etc. the things we girls do to look good. all that suffering. tsk tsk. do guys do the same? the time spent in front of the mirror fixing that short hair, the headache that comes when choosing clothes from that forever limited collection etc.

i've been spending alot of money recently. just cant get over the joy of getting something new with the money i worked so hard to earn. not that tuition is THAT hard, but its still nice. i need to stop!!! especially since its one of my new year resolution.

i need something. something intangible. something that is not limited by time and space. something that can lift my spirits.

this is a special year for me. i am finally living the transition period for myself. i am neither a teenager, nor an adult. so what am i? i am a 20 year old kid-teenager-youth-young adult. i really DO NOT feel like 20. i see people who dress and act 20 and i feel like a kid in their presence. i met this girl in a shop. i acted like this 12 year old kid in her presence cos my impression of her is that she's 20+. end up, she's under 20. i am older than her!!! and i thought i was younger!! oh my goodness. i guess i really am i kid. what am i going to do? i need to grow up! can you imagine this 21 year old girl who talks and acts and dress underage? sigh

love: tangible or intangible. never really thought of it until fiona and i talked about it. what do you think? always thought love was intangible. but if it really was, how do we know what love is until someone expresses it? that expression is tangible. hmm.

what exactly is driving me? one day i really need to sit down with God and ask Him to sound me out. what i think is true may not be true after all, since i hardly know myself with my ego blinding my vision.

when i read about people who give up their lives for the Lord and about people who go thru all kinds of suffering and pain just to get to Christ, i cant help but ask myself will i be willing to do the same? why is Christ so unimportant to me? it is so easy to lie to myself that Christ matters. maybe He does, but the fact is that there are still things that matter more than Him, and He takes His time to reveal that to me.

How much more do i need to give up for You? EVERYTHING

something is really wrong with me.

on monday (8/1) i thought it was 10 Jan, and i did the quiet time for 10 Jan. on tuesday, i somehow read my calender wrongly again and i scolded myself for reading one day in advance, because i thought it was 10 Jan again. so i read my 9 Jan quiet time. yesterday, i read the calender correctly! (finally) and realized it was finally 10 Jan. how can i think it is 10 Jan 3 days in a row????? what is wrong with me?!?!?

another thing. i've been having weird nightmares EVERY NIGHT. dreams to do with death, the underworld, sin and hell. wonderful huh. every morning i wake up feeling like i have not slept a wink. what is happening??

i've lost myself along the way last year. took a conversation with my sisters to realize that. time out is such a tempting word. so many mistakes, so many flaws, so many distractions and fears. its time to ask myself what is most important.

im coming back to the heart of worship.

i'll be alright.

i miss you. i hope you missed me too. this gap is too far for us to bear. perhaps we need to spend more quality time together.