acjc choir

owen sniffing dreamy the bear? yucks!
toshi n dael being silly as usual.. haha
took these some time ago.. when i went back to sing.. miss those times..
i reali miss choir.. honest. i love the pple, the atmosphere, the love, the learning experiences. but i guess its hard to hold on to everything. the ple r not the same anymore.. sigh.. can we all go back n sing tog for aewf 2006?

its time to move on

haf been talking to some pple.. n i realise i haf been depressed for too long.. all these self pitying, all these insufficient sleep.. i haf been concentrating on myself for too long. i need to look at God or i will sink so deep into the ocean tt i can never be found again. peter got his 2nd chance, i think i've used up too mani chances liao..

i reali haf to work harder this sem. no more distractions. my new greatest love r: sch, home n church. nothing else. if i ever get distracted, someone pls hit me on the head. thanks.

fatigue

christmas party was great. i had fun n my frens had fun too. i guess we should do more of this. haha. God is really amazing too. without Him, nothing is possible.

finalli. christmas is over. i guess i can finalli get some rest. im undergoing fatigue. mood's been going crazy, swinging up n down in a matter fo seconds. n schools gonna start soon. wow. bidding is in a few days n i still hafen decided wat i wanna do.

Lord, i realli need u.. everything has been going wrong n i've lost my sense of direction. i need u in my life. i need u to show me the way.

finalli.. my body has decided to take a strike.. stomach flu.. hafen had tt for more than a yr n every time i get flu its after a period of insufficient sleep=x. God has His strange way of getting me to stop overstretching myself i realise.. haha.. had to sleep the whole day today..

realli need to catch up

met up with my darling soys today.. haha realise i haf lots to catch up on.. sorry gals.. haf been so busy lately, dint put in much effort to find out more abt yall.. but today was realli refreshing.. gave me a shock when i found out abt how yal haf been.. hehe but hey.. i guess i managed to calm down after awhile.. i tink=x

i think i haf been too sheltered.. keep thinking we're as innocent as we used to be.. but i guess love makes pple do the weirdest tings.. anw i dunno if i made yall angry with all my advice.. but i realli want the best for yall loh.. n sometings, however difficult it may seem, need to be done and im sure we will all be there for u to support u.. but u realli haf to make the decision for urself.. like jas said.. dun shortchange urself.

this is smth i wrote jus a few days ago.. decided it still describes wat im feeling.. so shall share with whoever reads my blog..
my heart has turned cold, drained of all desire
i do not know wat im doing, nor my intentions in doing so.
i feel the cold closing in on me and i cry out to the heavens,
only to stop and ask: have i lost my voice?
o, who will listen to the cries of my heart, who will comfort the pain i feel?
do i haf to earn ur love? do i haf to gain ur favour?
is this wat the world has become? or is it jus applicable to me?

results r coming out soon.. sigh.. realli hope i can do well.. but bottom line.. i still hate uni life so jus cant wait to get this over n done with.. dunno how i will react to my results.. argh hate this waiting=/

thank you all

today's sermon was extremely enriching. suddenli, my empty cup seems full again. indeed. christmas - or more appropriately put, coming of Christ - is abt hope, peace, love and joy. now i noe wat why im so depressed recently.. i lack all these gifts of God.

jus yest i was ranting abt how my boss is retarded n irresponsible. but in life, there is no such thing as fairness, as much as we wanna be treated fairly. its more abt how u handle things as they come.

hope: im jus feeling so fearful of my future. i dunno wat modules to choose, i dunno wat to major in, i dunno if i should continue in ew... so many "i dunnos" in my life, leaving me clueless, hopeless and full of fear. but in Christ, i noe that all tings will go according to His plan and as long as i protect my salvation, my future is confirmed. day dreaming no longer holds its charm since i alreadi noe wat my future holds, or who holds my future.

peace: i get upset really easily, i get upset when last min tings get thrown at me.. but with the peace of God, i hope to stop getting so upset and to take everything as a chance to grow n learn.

love: yes, i need to love those who make use of me, love those who hurt me, love those who do not even love themselves.. sigh tough job God has given us.. but since God can love us so much to give us his son, he will give us the strength to love others too

joy: argh.. this i desperateli need. to be joyful no matter wat the circumstance. to take joy in knowing that Christ as given us salvation, to take joy in knowing that He loves me no matter wat i do, take joy in knowing that even if i get scolded, its cos Christ loves me and he wants to disciplne me.

last pt.. God never chooses talent. he gives talent to those he choose. we may think we're inappropriate for hte job, but God nver thinks so because he made us this way and if he wants us to do the job, he must have alreadi given the strength.

to God be the glory

exhausted

>< i jus wanna apologise to all u out there who have been brushed off by me. im in serious sleep depravation. havent rested properly since 2 weeks b4 exams. tts like more than a mth ago. sigh. im realli tired, but i still have so much to do i realli dunno how i can handle.

recentli, i have formed some new habit: pulling my hair. tts horrible isnt it. but its a habit n i seem to pull my hair very often.. haha so i guess soon yall will see a balding grace=p

everything has been so hectic n tiring. i haf lost all energy. no energy to deal with all those self esteem problems, no energy to deal with all the duties i haf in fellowship like welcoming the newcomers, no energy to do any housework, no energy for anything. ZILT. ZILCH. feel so drained, feel so useless. i wanna do alot for God but i cant seem to do anything rite. as u all haf noticed, i seem to smile alot less recentli. not surprising, considering i stone 90% of the day. argh. wanna pull my hair again.

suddenli i feel like i haf no one to talk to. i haf so much to talk abt, so much i need advice on n i dunno who to talk to -cries- God seems so silent!!! its frustrating. sigh but my God is the creator of wateva is seen in the fotos above. i shall trust in Him.

declared in public

o ya forgot to mention. i've finalli made my desire to serve full time known to the congregation n pastors, during the altar call. i dunno if i did the right ting to make it known because this may mean tt i will have much more work from now on. the future seems so exciting yet scary.

i was asked to think why i wanna serve full time. i've tot of it but suddenli im filled with doubt. is my reason strong enuff to keep me going? i haf so much to learn, i duno if my character is suitable to serve full time also. sigh. i noe i shouldnt doubt, but its a fact tt some pastors quit after they complete their degree in theology, while some pastors turn out totalli horrible cos they became pastors for selfish purposes. i dun wanna be like tt. pray for me pls pple=p

im back!!

wow!! im finalli home from retreat!!! phew.. haha so happy. i've never been soooo busy at retreat b4.. realli pei fu those who have been doing this for a very long time.. n surprisingli.. a tv addict like me hasnt watched the tv since sat.. haha all i did during these 4 days r jus running around n sleeping=p honestli, being retreat coordinator is not easy. have to deal with weird pple n try to communicate with pple who cant speak english.. thank God for sign language.. haha.. some pple r jus weird la.. so much demands, as if your so free n ur sole purpose of living is to serve them. as if. sigh this has been a tough time for me.. having to rush from exam to retreat to worship leading to christmas.. i doubt i will have enuff time to rest in this hols.

things havent been going well for me actualli. im tired. realli realli tired. so much to do, yet so little time. normalli pple use this phrase for exams.. haha but i use it even after exams. all i can say now is to ask God for wisdom n strength, so tt i can do all i haf to do. honestli, i wan to do more for God, but sometimes, being human, i realli cant take it when pple take u for granted. pls pray for me pple. for me to let my pride down n be a servant. remind me to stop complaining!! hehe tts for a start. too mani tings to change in me liao=x

thinking back, retreat was fun. i think youth fellowship has never been so happening b4.. haha everyone turns up for prayer meeting, everyone meet after service for fellowship, everyone go for earli breakfast together, everyone sit tog in service n so on=p very very fun. thanks vincent. ur hard work has not gone down in vain=) im so touched actualli, that we're so close now. anw, i realli wanna mention, thank n say tt im very proud of jasmine, ruth n hannah. these 3 gals onli became closer in this camp (i think) but yall managed to welcome kristy into our group n get her to sit with us for service. jus thinking of this brings tears to my eyes. so so so so proud of yall, no words can fully describe. haha. honestli, a few mths ago, i tot i was such a failure, cant get yall to break up ur clique, but hey, yall proved me wrong!!! yahoo, yipee, calloo callay!!! -hops around in joy- LOVE yall so much. can hug yall to death. haha

more fotos

hey look everyone!! there's my first birthday cake of this year!! my darling ac classmates gave me this surprise. thanks so much to all u!! such a special cake for such a special occasion! hehe n the brownie was so nice loh!! yummy.